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Friday 3 December 2021

Isaac Turner: 23rd November 1998- 30th November 2021

When I started writing this in 2010 it was as a music blog. It still is. But music means nothing if it doesn't connect with you and your life. Music provokes a response, it is an emotional artform. It soundtracks your life, your events, the people you are with. It's a solitary experience and a communal one. When I started writing the blog the music I loved and parts of my life came together and while most of the posts are just about the music, my life has bled into it from time to time. I have written about my son Isaac many times. I did so on his 23rd birthday just last week. As most of you know Isaac died on Tuesday. I'm sorry if some of this comes out a bit raw but I need to get it out. I'm just going to start typing and see what happens. Please don't feel obliged to read this. 

The day after his birthday Isaac was a bit unwell and Lou, his mum and my wife, managed to do a Covid test on him (not an easy task, he could be uncooperative with that sort of thing). The test came up positive straight away. I was at work and came home early and we sorted a few medical things out, emails, phone calls to his medical team, that sort of thing. Isaac was born with a very rare genetic disease, MPS1 (Hurler's Disease). During 2000 he had two bone marrow transplants to treat the range of physical and learning disabilities that MPS1 presents. We knew then that bone marrow transplantation was not a cure, it was a treatment- it would not reverse or fix damage already done. BMT recipients need to have extensive rounds of chemotherapy to wipe out the body's immune system so that their body can accept the donor marrow. The first transplant, umbilical cord blood from Belgium, failed. The second, with me as a donor, worked but a side effect was that Isaac's immune system never regrew as it should. He had little immune system for the rest of his life and so had little protection from viruses and if he contracted an illness, he would find it more difficult to fight it. Covid was a major risk and we knew if he caught it, it would be serious and potentially fatal. We have shielded him since March 2020 but in the end it got him. 

For the back end of last week he was suffering from a cough, a temperature, loss of appetite, a bit out of sorts and grumpy with it. We put him straight onto emergency antibiotics which we'd been prescribed in case this happened. During Saturday he was worse and on Saturday evening we decided he needed to go to hospital. We phoned 111 and having listened to his medical history they sent an ambulance. I followed in the car to Wythenshawe hospital. We spent the night in A&E and at 5.30am were admitted onto a Covid ward, on a side room. His symptoms continued to get worse but he was now receiving further medicines and he was on a fluid drip. Sunday night was bad- he was often awake, getting agitated and not happy with the oxygen mask. He tried to get out of bed several times. Various medics came in to look at him and went out again. He was becoming more and more ill. We got his sister Eliza back from university in Liverpool.

On Monday we met some consultants from ICU. They asked to speak to us elsewhere, away from Isaac, which is never a good sign. We went into one of those small windowless room that they have set aside for these kind of conversations, the really shit conversations where families are given the news they never want to hear. They told us that it was very serious and that it would not turn out well. The virus was in his lungs. The medicines they have developed for treating Covid patients wouldn't be effective on Isaac due to his weak immune response. It's a really cruel and nasty virus. He would continue to get worse and he would die within days. 

Once the Covid got into his lungs, and with his weak immune system that was inevitable, it destroyed him and the speed at which it took him was horrifying.. Monday night was worse than Sunday night. Between midnight and about 3am he was unable to sleep and really struggling with breathing. At one point he told me he wanted his shoes and he wanted to go home. These were the last things he said. He was agitated and distressed and a consultant prescribed morphine to settle him. His breathing was fast and shallow. Eventually, and it took a while, he settled and stopped fighting the sedatives, stopped trying to pull the oxygen mask off and became calmer. Another consultant came to talk to us on Tuesday morning. I asked how it would pan out and what time scale we were now looking at. He said he'd seen a lot of people die from Covid and he told us what would happen. During Tuesday Isaac's breathing remained fast but he was asleep and calm. We sat with him, talking to him and holding his hands. Eventually his breathing began to slow down and then at about 1.45pm- I'm really struggling to type this now but I need to do it- he stopped breathing and he slipped away. The three of us were with him and he died with us holding him.

I cannot fault the care we received from umpteen people at Wythenshawe hospital, from auxiliary staff making us endless cups of tea and changing his sheets to the nurses and the doctors looking after him. These people have been working on a Covid ward since March 2020. I can't imagine how draining it is doing that every day. A nurse came in and then a doctor came to formally confirm he'd died. We went back into the horrible family room while they cleaned him up. Lou and I went back in to see him a little later and to say goodbye. We then waited while some porters could be called to the ward to take him to the mortuary. They asked if we wanted to walk with him to take him down. I said I did. I walked down through the hospital with the trolley as far as I was allowed to go. I said goodbye and walked back to the car park. Then we came home. 

We are heartbroken. I don't know where we go from here. The sheer number of people who have contacted us since Tuesday is overwhelming and testament to who he was. There are lots of you who I know through this blog who have been in touch. Some of you have paid your own tributes at your blogs. Some of you have emailed and messaged and left comments on a previous post. Every single one of those messages and posts has helped. Thank you. 

Isaac faced more challenges and difficulties than most people do. He loved life and it showed in everything he did. He loved people and places, he loved everyday events, he loved talking to people about them and their lives. He packed more into his twenty three years than many of us will do in three times that and although by normal standards he has died very young he has lived a full and meaningful life. He inspired other people. He has made us better people by knowing him. He was our boy. He was the centre of our lives and at the moment I cannot imagine the world without him. 

38 comments:

Dom said...

Oh Adam xx

strictlyrockers said...

Sending love xxx

George said...

To Adam and family, I cannot even to begin to comprehend the sadness and grief in your lives. It's tragic. My thoughts are with you all.

Anonymous said...

I am very shocked and saddened to read this news. As you said Adam, you often posted insightful and loving stories about Isaac. His character always shone through. Thoughts to you and your family at this time.
- warwick @ SRC

Jake Sniper said...

3 years ago, I lost my Mum and my best friend within a year of each other.but I can't even begin to imagine what you are going through. These words will sound trite, but Isaac will always be there in all your memories,in every interaction,in every moment that you spent with him. Love Jake.

Nick L said...

It might have been hard to write that Adam but you did it so well. A really moving post and one that all who read it will be deeply touched by. We've obviously never met but I feel we must have a fair bit in common through similar jobs, similar age, and shared musical experiences but I genuinely can't begin to comprehend just how awful this must feel. Take care mate.

TheRobster said...

What an amazing post, so tragic but just know we are all with you and sending love and best wishes. Look after each other.

Hassling John Malkovich said...

Adam. Beautifully written about a beautiful big part of your life. Thoughts with you all at such a tough time. Big ❤️

Jase said...

❤️❤️❤️❤️

twopalmtrees said...

We're so sorry for your loss.

Neil said...

I’m so sorry to hear this - I’ve been a long time reader of your blog and always really enjoyed your posts about Isaac, he seemed such a character and your love for him was evident through your writing. Sending positive thoughts to you and your family.

Anonymous said...

Read this with tears in my eyes. What a great lad, loved so much by you. So very sorry for your loss x

C said...

It must have been so very hard for you to write this, and so moving for us too to be let in to this incredibly sad, huge and personal part of your lives, so thank you for sharing such raw tenderness and honesty. With much love xx

Alistair said...

Thank you so much for having the courage to write this Adam, I can only begin to imagine how hard it must have been for you to do it. For those of us who knew and loved Isaac I think it means a great deal to have read this. I only hope that in some small way it has helped you a little too. Much love xxxx

Jo said...

Oh Adam. My heart is breaking for you all. You are all so brave but to share this shows so much courage. I hope with time you find strength in the bright star that was Isaac. Love to you all. Xx

Brian said...

There have been so many tears shed for you precious Isaac. Our sincere hope is sharing your pain helps you and your family during this difficult journey. Take care. We will be thinking about you.

Rickyotter said...

Courageous and very moving post Adam, and a fitting tribute to Isaac. Thinking of you all at this heartbreaking time. Sending love to you all

Swiss Adam said...

Nothing to say except thank you to all of you.

Anonymous said...

So sorry to hear your sad news Adam. Your blog has provided me with much food for thought through the years, and there are no words adequate to express my genuine sorrow for you and the rest of the family. Isaac was an inspirational young man, the brightest stars shine but for the shortest time. You have been blessed to share his time, however short. Really sucks though, man.

Rol said...

I sat for a long time trying to think what to write here, because it's important to say something to let you know that my thoughts are with you. I can't imagine what you must be going through, but I understand why you had to write this post - because that's what I always feel blogs are for, to help us deal with what's going through our heads. I really hope writing it helped. I hope you continue to write here if it does help you process it all. If we can share your grief, if sharing it helps you, we will be minded to do so.

Take care of yourselves.

Claire Southworth said...

Dear Adam, Lou and Eliza,

Your boy was a delight and I'm so very sorry for your loss. I'll always remember my chats with Isaac from his time at Pictor to more recently bumping into you all in Sale. Grief is not an easy road to travel, I'm sending strength and love to you all for the coming days, weeks and months. Rest in peace Isaac xx

Much love,

Claire, Paul & Natalie Southworth xx

Adam Turner said...

I was worried that I'd shared too much and that maybe having written it I should have just saved it somewhere but not published it. Thanks Rol, you've helped convince me that it was OK.

Tom W said...

So sorry to hear this. I only know you through reading this blog, but I've been reading it long enough to know that you spent Isaac's whole life fighting for him and he can't not have known that. I hope you'll all get through to where there is hope again. Thinking of you.

JTFL said...

A beautiful tribute, Adam, to a loved young man. Sorrowful. Sending love and adding my voice to the community around you.

Seannie Price said...

I have been reading your blog for a few years now and look at it virtually every day to catch up with your latest post. It was truly horrible to see it go without an update on Tuesday and I feared, but really hoped otherwise, that something had happened.
This is as good a time as any to thank you for all the music that you've posted and the real sense of community that you've created amongst like minded souls who, for a few minutes everyday, have been given something to act as a distraction from the absolute shitstorm that is going on out there at the moment.
My chief sentiment in all of this though of course is to offer my deepest condolences in losing Isaac. What you've revealed of yourself down the years through this blog leaves me in no doubt as to just how much he was loved and what a fantastic Dad he had.

Unknown said...

Been following blog for a few years but never posted any comments until now.I just want to send my condolences to you and your family. Lovely words from everybody especially Rol and Seanie Price who have put into words all I wanted to say. Stay strong.....

Khayem said...

Your courage and willingness to be vulnerable are nothing short of incredible, and a testament to your character, Adam. I've read this post several times and, whilst I have never met Isaac, you and your family, I've always been moved and inspired by your stories. Isaac was an extraordinary young man and you, Lou and Eliza are an extraordinary family. I hope in some small way we can all give back to you, as you've given so much to Bagging Area readers over the years, and helped in ways you may never imagine. I hope writing continues to be a positive way of processing the unimaginable pain and grief you must all be feeling, and also a way of continuing to celebrate your brilliant son. Love and best wishes to you all.

Artog said...

So sorry to hear this, condolences to you and your family.

Michael Doherty said...

I don't know how you got the strength to write that, Adam but it's a beautiful tribute to Isaac. I felt I knew him a little bit from the loving way that you've written about him on the blog this last 10 years, and this has touched many of out lives in a small but not inconsequential way (when I read about his death on Thursday or Friday I'll be honest I had a little cry). I hope that the love that you're rightly getting now will help you and your family even an iota in the following weeks and months. Please take care!

Ben said...

Hi Adam,

I was just catching up with your latest posts this morning.
No words can translate my dismay at reading about the
passing of Isaac and the following related posts :'(

These words are probably going to sound clumsy but console yourself in knowing you were all lucky to share this earthly life together.

Let me just express my heartfelt condolences to all of you.

:'(

Ben

gullybully said...

I am unsure what to say to you. All I can offer is my condolences.
It must have took some courage to share your thoughts and reflections on your current situation.
Please take care all.
J

Echorich said...

Adam,
I am so sorry for the loss you and your family have suffered. I can't begin to imagine the depth of loss you are feeling, but I understand how putting things to paper can give you a way of expressing your grief. Your words here have been as profoundly touching as they are raw and heartfelt.
From everything I knew of Isaac from your loving writings, he was such a special boy and then young man, on so many levels.

I just want to end with a quote that has touched me and I hope will mean something for you and your family...

"Death is not extinguishing the light; it is only putting out the lamp because the dwan has come." Rabindranath Tagore

David H said...

Adam,

This is David from the states. I am a very long time reader and lover of your blog and music. I've always enjoyed reading about Isaac over the years and admired you and your wife's love for him and Isaac's love for you. It was hard work but that work was love. You were blessed to have him as your son and he was blessed to have you as parents. My condolences to you, Lou, and Isaac's sister. It is a sad day.

Swiss Adam said...

Thanks to everyone who's been commenting on this post and for the love and best wishes. It means a lot.

Jez said...

Fuck. Not visited for a while, so only just seen the devastating news. Nothing I can say other than I'm so, so sorry for your loss and am thinking of you and sending you as much love as I can. Take care, Jez

Sarah said...

Just seen this article and feel such sadness. I used to do gang show with isaac however many years ago, we must have been about 10 and I spent every rehearsal and every performance with him. We danced together, and sang together and I remember how special I felt that I got to do it with him. I have always wondered throughout the years how he is getting on and this news is heartbreaking, but as you said he has lived his life to the fullest and I will always hold a very special place in my heart for him. I still have the framed picture Lou made me of us as a thankyou, and I will treasure it dearly. Thoughts to you all. He was an incredible boy and will be remembered forever. Sarah Jenkinson x

Therese said...

A beautiful boy and smile that would melt your heart and never be forgotten

Jez Aitchison said...

I am so sorry for your loss, a terrible shock. Wishing you and your family positive thoughts and memories.